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  • 04/11/2013, 01:33AM ET

The Marlins are the most boring team in baseball. By a country mile.

Marlins Fan (156-78-31) vs Argos. (184-101-29)
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There's nobody worth watching save Giancarlo Stanton and he's off to a horrendous start.

The team as a whole is averaging less than two runs per game.

They're 1-8 and honestly it looks like their winning percentage is gonna keep gettin worse.

Juan Pierre is the leadoff hitter. Even though he's 35 and not really an every day starter anymore.

Placido Polanco is the cleanup hitter. Even though he's 37 (at least; he's Domicano) and not really an every day starter anymore.

Ricky Nolasco is the "ace" of the rotation. The "ace". Even though he sports a career ERA of 4.49 and a WHIP of 1.30.

The owner is the biggest pariah in the sport right now, ever since Frank McCourt got the boot in LA.

The manager (and I had to look it up because I had flat out forgotten, even though it was a big deal to me a couple months ago) is rookie manager Mike Redmond, who seems like the kind of guy who should be playing for Miami currently.

What a mess.

Most boring team in baseball.

By a country mile.

You know I'm right.


There is two reasons why Miami is not boring.

1. Giancarlo Stanton

He is one of the best players in the game, while still only 23. He is a beast. He is a freaking monster. He is massive, and he kills baseballs. He hit 37 HR while missing 39 games and playing in a pitchers park. He lead the league in slugging last year. I would pay to watch him.

Chicks dig the long ball. Stanton is the best in the game at the long ball.

Homers are the most exciting play in baseball, and Stanton is the best at it. Not just because of the volume of homers he hits, but when he hits them, they go farther than anyone else can hit it.



2. Jose Fernandez

He is the youngest player in the game right now, thats fun. He strikes out batters at crazy high rates (over 30% in the minors, 8 K in 5 IP in start 1), he has a great story (spent time in jail in Cuba), he has never pitched above A ball, and he really, really throws fast.


Strikeouts and Homers FTW!


Now for most boring, I would put Colorado, and Houston ahead of them. But the most boring team has to be the Minnesota Twins.


Colorado has Tull, CarGo and Dexter Fowler if nothing else. The Astros at least have a new League to add some excitement, even if the roster doesn't offer much. But those weren't your main choices, so let's move on to the Twins.

The Twins aren't a sexy team. At all. The uniforms are plain and the players tend to be nondescript. Heck, even the new stadium is more or less forgettable. They even play in a pretty boring division, the AL Central. (All apologies to the Tigers, who aren't as boring)

But beside all their unsexiness they're a decent team, at least so far. Minnesota is 4-5, and while that's not necessarily an outstanding record they're still just two games behind the Central-leading Royals.

Yeah, it's early. But fans are dreamers and Twins fans can still dream. For Marlins fans the dream has become an early season nightmare.

The Marlins sit at 1-8 and are in a division that houses preseason favorites like the Nationals and Braves. Even the most optimistic Marlins Fan knows this season is already lost. The Marlin's can barely score a run, for crying out loud. How could they possibly make the postseason?

The Twins are more exciting because they're competing.


The Twins are boring, here is why.

They have shittier pitching than even the Marlins. They absolutely suck, with their "ace" being Vance Worley. Also, all their pitchers pitch to contact. They don't have any strikeout pitchers, and pitching to contact is boring. They only starter who strikes out more than 6.5 batters per 9, is Worley. Thats pretty crappy.

Offensively, they play small ball. Small ball I think we can all agree on is boring. Especially when you are playing small ball and losing.

Their stars, unlike the Marlins, are old and washed up. The really only good player left is Joe Mauer, but he is only a fraction of what he use to be. Mauer is always injured, has no power at all now, isn't gonna win any batting titles, and doesn't have the title of being the best catcher anymore, just the title of overpaid.

Talking about their record 9 games into the season? Seriously? How about mentioning they finished with 96 losses last year, and then had an offseason that consisted of selling players like Span and Revere, for prospects. This team is worse than last season. The Twins will be near 100 losses again. They have no hope.


Typical Argos with the condescending bull ****...

Anyhoo, I'm gonna move on and say again that the Twins are less boring than the Marlins.

For one, there's Mauer. Dude is a former MVP. Despite what everyone says, Mauer is STILL one of the best pure hitters in baseball. Doesn't matter he doesn't hit a lot of homer's; he's one of the top five pure hitters in the game and anything that finds that boring shouldn't even be at a freaking baseball game.

They also have Josh Willingham, the best power hitter you've never heard of. Do you realize Willingham smacked 35 home runs last year? Two less than Stanton. Two.

Just off Willingham and Mauer alone the Twins are more exciting. But there's more...

Trevor Plouffe hit 24 homers last year in just 119 games.

The rotation features proven vets who fans have at least heard of, unlike Miami's collection of Ricky Nolasco and the travelling four, whomever they may be on any given day.

Sure, Fernandez looked great. But it was his first game, ever. Who knows what to expect from him? Plus the Marlins are gonna cap his innings really early, so he's not even gonna be out there much.

And as I said before, WINNING is exciting.


Mauer is not close to being as good as Stanton. Stanton is a way more exciting hitter (being the best power hitter) and a better hitter by far (an OPS over 100 points higher last season).

Willingham is a decent player, I'll admit that, but last year was more of an outlier for him, as he is a career .260 hitter and has never hit 30 HR before. Juan Pierre, a man you love to bash, is more exciting than him, as he still gets base at a high rate (.351 last year) and steals a lot of bases (37 last year, 44 average over the last 3 years).

The Marlins also have Adeiny Hechavarria in his rookie season, who has been called a defensive wizard and the best fielding SS in the bigs. You are sure to get highlight reel players from him a couple times a week.


Twins have guess you have heard of? Vets? Proven starters? They have as many guys with 50+ careers starts as the Marlins (2), and have an average career ERA higher than the Marlins starters. More like proven **** ballers.

That you don't know what you are getting from Fernandez each and every day is what makes him and all young players exciting. Plus he dominated in his second start too.

April 11, 2013  01:36 AM ET

I would trade Miami's roster for the Pittsburgh Pirates, no questions asked.

I would trade Miami for the KC Royals in the blink of an eye.

Even the Milwaukee Brewers. Even the Cubs. All of em. Anybody. I would trade the Marlins for any of it if I could.

The roster is almost completely deleted. The level of talent as a whole is not MLB-worthy, with all due apologies to Stanton.

April 11, 2013  01:38 AM ET

I remember when I used to scoff at Nationals fans.

WTF happened? How did we get to where we are today? The Nationals and Marlins are polar opposites. And it basically happened overnight.

April 11, 2013  09:10 AM ET

Seems like I read a either a TD or something on T&R a few months back about the offseason for the Marlins was the worst in baseball. I guess they read it too and are out to prove it.

April 11, 2013  11:10 AM ET

Think its the owner.

April 11, 2013  12:01 PM ET

I agree with the title. the Marlins are tied with the 28 other teams that are not the Brewers or the Brewers opponent.

April 11, 2013  02:22 PM ET
QUOTE(#5):

I agree with the title. the Marlins are tied with the 28 other teams that are not the Brewers or the Brewers opponent.

Is that the last place 2-6 Brewers who currently trail the punchless (.153 batting ave.) Pirates in the NL Central?

Your right about one thing. Brewers games have lots of scoring since they average 4 runs a game and give up an average of 6.1 runs a game. That's excitement right there unless you're a fan of good pitching!!!!!! ;^D

April 11, 2013  02:39 PM ET
QUOTE(#6):

Is that the last place 2-6 Brewers who currently trail the punchless (.153 batting ave.) Pirates in the NL Central? Your right about one thing. Brewers games have lots of scoring since they average 4 runs a game and give up an average of 6.1 runs a game. That's excitement right there unless you're a fan of good pitching!!!!!! ;^D

I was merely stating that all baseball where I do not hold a rooting interest is boring.

April 11, 2013  03:27 PM ET
QUOTE(#7):

I was merely stating that all baseball where I do not hold a rooting interest is boring.

I agree with that but couldn't help ribbing you about your team trailing the Pirates in the Standings, for now.

Comment #9 has been removed
April 11, 2013  06:36 PM ET

The Marlins look pretty bad to me. Slowey and Lebanc pitched good games against the Braves, but there was no offensive support.

9 games in and Stanton stands at 0 homers and 0 RBIs because of his supporting class, and if pitchers in the NL have half a brain, Stanton will lead the Majors in walks by a country mile. Why pitch to Stanton when worst thing Polanco will do is hit a single?

April 11, 2013  06:38 PM ET
QUOTE(#7):

I was merely stating that all baseball where I do not hold a rooting interest is boring.

Go back to your tepee, red man.

April 11, 2013  06:57 PM ET

Tempted to autovote left since Argos didn't offer another option for most boring team.

April 11, 2013  06:58 PM ET
QUOTE(#12):

Tempted to autovote left since Argos didn't offer another option for most boring team.

Nevermind, I didn't read the last line until now.

Comment #14 has been removed
Comment #15 has been removed
April 12, 2013  01:39 AM ET

Colorado has Tulo*, etc

This auto correct business is getting on my last nerve.

April 12, 2013  01:46 AM ET
QUOTE(#15):

He said never mind.

Shutty. You're not the boss of him.

April 12, 2013  02:10 AM ET
QUOTE(#17):

Shutty. You're not the boss of him.

You shutty. You're not the boss of him.

April 12, 2013  02:12 AM ET
QUOTE(#18):

You shutty. You're not the boss of him.

Lot you know. He mows my lawn.

 
April 12, 2013  07:41 AM ET
QUOTE(#19):

Lot you know. He mows my lawn.

does he do it well? I hate yardwork but it seems everybody I talk to are dope smoking fiends. can't trust a doper with a mower or edger

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