Earl Penguin

Many have asked me, "Penguin, what do you really stand for?" And I have told every one of them, "Shut up, and pass the Gin." Some of us are born great, some of us have greatness thrust upon us, and still others are penguins...and for us, life is all flippers, fish and Gin...and the occasional fling with some drunk floozy at the end of the bar that has been giving you the "Man, I want to have my way with a penguin" eye all night. But other than all that...I live for sports...cause it gives me a socially acceptable reason to drink.

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The Penguin's Blog Posts

  • 02:55 PM ET  08.30
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I’ve been away too long…not a minute goes by that I don’t sit up in a cold sweat wondering “What in the name of all things holy happened last night”.  After I blearily look around my surroundings and get my bearings…I usually roll back over and fall into a deep sleep…only to wake up about 15 minutes later and do the whole thing over.  Ah, rehab, it’s a great thing. Anyway, I’m sober now…well, at least according to my parole officer I am…yeah, the parole thing is a whole other story…don’t want to…
  • 06:57 PM ET  02.27
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That’s right true believers, you messiah is back!  Sorry for the absence, I’ve been on a 3 month bender…hey, when someone dares you to drink your weight in Vodka every day for 3 months, you don’t ask questions, you just take the bet.  And now I’m the proud owner of a ’91 Chevy Impala…with only minor body damage!  And I can sort of remember what happened the last few months…or, to be more exact, I have moments of clarity…okay, I can’t lie anymore…I can’t remember a thing…I need your help… …

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