The Sports Comedian

Bengals Warn Fans This Could Be Another Rebuilding Year

09:45 AM ET 09.07

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Cincinnati Bengals owner Mike Brown wanted to come out and be up front about his team's priorities for this season after looking at the roster after training camp."I know a lot of Bengals fans are going to be unhappy about the team we are putting out there for this season," said Brown in a press conference yesterday. "This is going to be a tough couple of months, because this team will not be what you guys expect from the Bengals. You are used to them choking within the first month, being buried by the Pittsburgh Steelers, and then being able to say 'Maybe next year..." by mid-October."Well,…

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Vikings Sign Brett Favre To The Usual .4 Year Contract

09:09 AM ET 09.01

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The Minnesota Vikings made it official today, inking veteran quarterback Brett Favre to his usual .4 year contract for the 2010 season. The deal is very good for Favre, who will be payed $12 million dollars for only being with the team from September through the end of December.The contract states that starting in January he is free to revert, as has become customary, from the form of a future hall of fame quarterback to that of your mother playing QB at the holiday touch football game. He also gets to bypass the annoying offseason routine and training camp activities."I am very excited about…

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Stephen Strasburg Loses Super Powers, Out For Season

09:06 AM ET 09.01

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The Washington Nationals announced in a conference call this morning that phenom rookie pitcher Stephen Strasburg???s mutant right arm has lost its powers due to recent sunspot activity.

Nationals GM Mike Rizzo said Strasburg realized there was a problem when he could no longer summon the powers of a Norse god of thunder to fling baseballs at his normal average speed of several hundred miles an hour in a recent practice.

???As anyone who has had mutant powers granted to them and then taken away by a freak act of nature can tell you, it???s a traumatic experience. Just ask Cyclops or…

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