Rob

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

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CaptainObvious* BS isn't playing any games.

CaptainObvious* BS's Blog Posts

  • 10:10 AM ET  08.05
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Recently, The Chosen One declared that if elected President, he would like to give the general populous an energy rebate of $1,000.  The money, he said, would come from the profits of the oil companies.  I'm sure many LOVE the sound of this, but any red blooded American, who believes in what this country was founded on, should be appalled.   President Truman in 1952 decided to order his secretary of commerce, Charles Sawyer, to take over the nation's steel mills.  The steel companies were deadlocked with the Wage Stabilization Board (yes, one actually…
  • 02:23 PM ET  07.09
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This was an important draft year (well, they all are really), but this is a team that had the #1 seed in the NFC and looked like a team headed towards the Super Bowl.  Then Eli Manning suddenly turned into Peyton Manning, beat the Cowboys at home, and went on to win the Super Bowl.  Like every year I read several draft magazines, looked at the Cowboy's roster, and eagerly awaited the draft.  Here is my breakdown of that draft.1st pick:  with the number 22 overall pick, the Cowboys selected Felix Jones, RB from Arkansas.  Well, Jerry didn't get the RB from…
  • 04:55 PM ET  01.17
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After meeting with the Ravens and the Falcons for their respective head coaching jobs, Jason Garrett has decided to stay as offensive coordinator for the Dallas Cowboys.  As a Cowboys fan, I'm happy that he has decided to stay, although I do think he needs some work before becoming a head coach.  But it also got me to thinking about different things in regards to this matter. For one, there's a rumor that Jerry Jones has agreed to pay him somewhere in the neighborhood of $3 a year.  This is like the ARod signing, in that it'll be great for coordinators around…

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